Dealing with Disappointment, Weeping toward Joy

Our heart is often subconsciously influenced by our experience.  Sometimes the effect of an event on our perspective or emotions is obvious.  Other times, there are slow, gradual impacts made on our soul that are only detectable long after the fact.

I have recently realized some of the liabilities involved in experiencing one disappointment after another over time.  The disappointments are inevitable.  Life knocks us about: Relational disappointments; financial setbacks; unfulfilled desires for good; spiritual disappointments; shattered hopes; goals that fail or fall short. 

Many times disappointment is related to our own self-centeredness or misplaced hopes.  This doesn't make it easy, but there is the comfort of knowing that we can re-focus our hope on God again, and that by placing our expectation on Him rather than substitutes, we can avoid much of this pain.

But there is another category of disappointment is particularly painful.  It is the kind we experience specifically as a result of our love for God and for other people.  See if you can relate to any of these scenarios:

--you invest time and resources in a worthwhile project and don’t see positive results

--you work hard toward a job or position that would free you for greater positive impact, and don’t get the break you were looking for

--you pour time and love into someone only to have them go down a destructive path

--you pray fervently for God’s work in someone’s life without seeing results

--you give your friendship and vulnerability to someone only to be misunderstood or worse yet, betrayed

--you give careful and well thought-out counsel to someone, only to have it be ignored

--you do everything you can to bring reconciliation in a relationship, only to have it end in estrangement

--you present life-changing truth to someone, but they just don’t seem to get it

--you have high hopes for a new ministry initiative, but the results just don’t live up to your desires

--you pour yourself out for the good of others, and yet the fruit seems so insignificant

The category includes all the disappointment we experience as a result of caring about God’s honor, and caring about the welfare of others. 

Some of the effects of disappointment are natural and predictable.  It pains us, sobers us, and makes us weary.  But if we are not careful, our experiences of disappointment will do more.  They will erode our wonder, our courage to hope, our willingness to take the risks of love.  After repeated experiences along these lines, we are in great danger of being handicapped in our ability to hope and love.

We all cope, but in what way?  Do any of these ways seem familiar?

Withdrawal—“I’m tired of putting my self out there just to be let down.”

Resignation—“Oh well, who really cares.  What will happen will happen.”

Cynicism—“This may seem like a good sign, but it’s probably superficial.  I doubt it will pan out.”

Withholding of affection—“It hurts too much to care deeply.”

Complacency—“It’s not worth getting involved.”

Callousness—“People just need to get their act together.”

Carelessness: "I tried to do things the right way before and didn't get the result I wanted, so why be so careful this time? 

All of these reflect a heart that is disheartened, battle-weary, emotionally numb.

God knows our danger, and He has made provision for it.

Psalm 126 speaks powerfully to this whole arena, and particularly the last two verses of the Psalm:          

Those who sow in tears

                        shall reap with shouts of joy!

            He who goes out weeping,

                        bearing the seed for sowing,

            shall come home with shouts of joy,

                        bringing his sheaves with him.

(Psalm 126:5-6 ESV)

Here are some related truths that God has used to sustain my heart through difficult disappointments.

God’s Overriding Purpose

In all that unfolds, God is the primary actor.  Beyond our comprehension, God sovereignly brings good through pain that would not have come otherwise.

(see Genesis 50:20; Acts 2:23, 2 Cor. 4:17)

If you don't understand that God is big enough to use even the greatest difficulties and even tragedies for a good that will outweigh them, then you don't understand the God of the Bible well enough. (Romans 8:37)

We laugh at stories with an easily predictable plot and ending, but we are terribly inconsistent—in our own lives we often feel insistent on knowing the specific purpose of a plot turn before the ending of the story! (“I cannot move on until I understand the specific reason for this happening!”)  God is the greatest Author of all.

God’s Identification
Whatever your disappointment on the path of obedience, Jesus has been through it before. Consider the relational disappointments of Jesus—His parents misunderstood Him. Even His brothers at first disbelieved in Him and mistreated Him. His disciples were agonizingly slow to learn, and in His greatest moment of need, they slept.  When danger arrived, they fled Him.  One of His closest companions betrayed Him.

We need to intentionally and specifically see how Jesus can relate to our disappointments

God’s Precious Pattern and Promise
Again,

“Those who sow in tears will reap with joyful shouting.  He who goes to and fro, weeping, carrying his bag of seed, will indeed come again with a shout of joy, carrying his sheaves with him.”  Psalm 126:5-6 (NASB)

So here it is: Yes there will be pain, and sometimes inexpressible... But the risk of that pain is worth the joy of the fruit that would not come if you did not care, and pray, and pursue, and lay down your life in pursuing good desires for God's glory.

Love is always a dangerous business. But genuine love is never about avoiding pain, but accepting the pain that is fully worth the prize.

Make no mistake: caring about the glory of God and the deepest good of people is setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. Just like Jesus, you will experience people misunderstanding you, letting you down, and falling short of your loving desires for them.

And yet, we must care, or else watch our hearts shrivel.

Risking your heart, and time, and resources in laying down your life will be costly, but the reward is worth the cost.

“…for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a reward of those who seek Him.”  Hebrews 11:6

“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not grow weary.”

Galatians 6:9

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.”  1 Corinthians 15:58

Those who have experienced the fruit of sacrificial love in marriage or parenting know this on some level.  Yes, it is more complicated.  Yes, it is more difficult....and Oh, so worth it.

The pain we experience on the path of love is worth the reward.

How can you know this for sure?

Because Jesus has already experienced the pain of sowing, and the joy of reaping on the greatest scale of all.

Jesus lived His entire life as One “weeping, carrying His bag of seed.”  He experienced one disappointment after another. 

But the greatest one of all was the abandonment of the Person He had lived to please His entire life, when He hung on the cross.  The cross expresses the greatest disappointment, the greatest pain, the greatest suffering that has ever existed. 

Don’t think that Jesus was the only one who “sowed in tears.”  The Father had to stand by without intervening as He heard the screams of His only begotten Son…so that you could receive the right to call on Him as your Father.

Remember, love is always a dangerous business. But genuine love is not about avoiding pain, but accepting the pain that is fully worth the prize. 

As we read in Hebrews 12, it was for the joy set before Him that Jesus endured the cross.  In the greatest sense of all, He who sowed in tears has reaped with joyful shouting.

Jesus endured the cross, so that you could enjoy the Christ.

The joy set before Him was your fullness of joy in Him, to the Father’s glory. 

Every believer who He has rescued is part of His harvest.  Every glad thanks and praise to God as a result of His suffering is part of His harvest.  And one day the harvest celebration will erupt in fullness when Jesus comes in glory, claims His bride, rewards every work, and redeems every pain and disappointment that we have endured on the path of obedience.

In the meantime, we need to exercise the discipline of delight.

You don’t need to wait to start experiencing the joy of His harvest.  The door to intimate relationship with Christ has been flung wide open.  His comfort and companionship are available in full measure even while we are still in the chapter of “going to and fro weeping, carrying our bag of seed.”

His love and His fellowship can give us a joy that rises above our deepest disappointments.

The discipline of delight means regularly

--delighting in His finished work for you, and in His resurrection

--delighting in His fellowship as your Redeemer and your Treasure

--delighting in the hope of the completely certain future you have with Him in which all will be made well

The discipline of delighting in Christ is not just an add-on coping mechanism; it is the only means by which we will have the endurance to press on so that good fruit is born through our lives which would never otherwise be.

 “Abide in Me, and I in you.  Just as a branch cannot bear fruit, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine and you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in Him, he bears much fruit.  For apart from Me you can do nothing.”  (John 15:4-5)

If you don’t live in the fellowship and love of Jesus, you will not endure in doing good, and fruit that will only come about through persevering will never come to be.  Enjoying His love is necessary for enduring in love.

If you told God, "I want to understand how much you love me!" I am afraid He would have to say, "My dear child, you have asked for the impossible. For while as long as eternity exists, there will always be more to comprehend."

It is in the presence of this delight that we can live through disappointment without losing heart.  Because Jesus has already sowed in tears and begun in the joy of His reaping, you can join Him. 

How?

Engage!  Join God in His passions! Don’t hold your heart back! Throw yourself in! Dare to hope for and pursue great things for the glory of God and good of others.

Pray fervently and perseveringly for God’s work in other’s hearts and for His highest glory.

Remember that others have deep disappointments too; weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice.

Use disappointment to get a view into your heart—is it from love or self-centeredness?

Engage in the discipline of delight!

Set your hope of God’s promise of complete future redemption.

“Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end...”

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.
(Revelation 22:12-13,17 ESV)

Time To Write about Sex

I'm sure that in some spheres, a number of the things I'll write here could be offensive.  But for the three of you who occasionally read this blog, I'm not too concerned about that.

When I see a public representation of sexuality that is at odds with truth, it makes me very upset.  The often unspoken messages fly at us from many directions and are unavoidable. What bothers me so much is not simply that they make what is wrong look good, but that in doing so, they make what is good and wonderful seem bad by association.  I am upset by the attack on pure and superior pleasure through an inundation of pitiful substitutes.  Let me elaborate.

God designed sex to be a means of saying to another person, "All that I am and all that I have I give completely and only to you for the rest of my life."  He never intended for the full disclosure and sharing of the body to be separated from the full disclosure and sharing of every other aspect of life.  This design is beautiful, profound, and satisfying.  Ripping sex from its intended context is debasing and wasting a gift that has glorious meaning and potential.  According to the Bible, dissecting sex from exclusive relationship and personal love is not just wrong, but stupid: it is settling for a pitiful substitute for the beauty and pleasure God had in mind when He created it.

When I was trying to clarify the attitude behind lust to a group of students, I used this illustration:
"Once upon a time a wealthy prince lived in a vast kingdom.  He would spend the day riding his steed through his domain, enjoying the sights and sounds.  One day, as he was on one of these excursions, he observed a peasant maid in the field, sowing seed.  He noted her gorgeous long blonde hair, and was intrigued.  Upon arriving back home at the palace that evening, he told his servant of the experience.  "Her hair was a golden in the sun.  I love it.  I want it.  Get it for me."  So the next day the servant obeyed and did what was needed, cutting off and bringing back the long blonde hair for the prince.  As the prince rode his steed the next day he noticed another maiden, sewing a tunic as she sat beside a well.  He noticed her smooth, soft, white hands, and was impressed.  Upon returning to his palace he relayed what he had seen to his servant and expressed his desire.  "Those beautiful hands...I love them.  Get them for me..." 

And so the story could go on, in a quick and hideous downward spiral.  The point?  Not unlike the perverted fascination of the prince, lust is the dissecting of another's body from her person.  In all its powerful passion, in isolating body from soul, and sexual desire from whole relationship, lust utterly demeans both sex and the personhood of another human being.

There is no question that pleasure can be had through using sex as we please without reference to God's will as revealed in the Bible. What most people don't understand is that God never prohibits us from any pleasure but for the sake of guarding and giving us a greater one.  God hates our missing out on His design through our misguided pursuits after pitiful inferior pleasures.

Sexual pleasure outside of a covenant relationship is like someone looking at a postcard of the Grand Canyon and supposing that he has experienced the real thing.

Or, sexual pleasure outside of a covenant relationship is like eating through a box of twinkies, differing from each other only in the color of their wrappers.  Sex according to God's design is like sitting down to a sumptuous, multi-course, gourmet feast.

Before I say a word more I must quickly clarify that I in no way intend to imply that being married guarantees a good love life.  There are plenty of marriages with miserable sex-lives.  I am simply stating that the potential within any marriage for truly great sex is exponentially greater than the very best experiences outside of these oft-resented confines.  (I cannot go deeply into how to bridge the gap between sexual potential and reality in marriage, but I would recommend such excellent books as When Two Become One by Christopher & Rachel McCluskey and The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy & Kathy Keller.)

If I ever wrote a wildly successful book or did something that somehow got me in front of a wide-audience interviewer, I would love to casually say theses words:

"You know, you've never really experienced sex until you've been married to the same person five or ten years, know each other better than ever, have been through some trials and difficulty together, still love each other more than anyone, and in that context give yourselves to one another passionately and completely."

Admittedly there is some hyperbole there, but I hope you follow the point.  Immorality is common, natural, predictable, easy and shallow.  Loving sex in marriage is uncommon, rare, undeserved; hard to come by, supernatural, wondrous.

TV, movies, and books alike frequently portray "free sex" as desirable and consequence-free.  Besides the many glaring misrepresentations I would like to also stress that it is actually pitiable.  It's pitiable that so many people have their capacities for experiencing and giving true intimate pleasure so decimated by the counterfeits.  It is pitiable that people mistake false and superficial intimacy for the real thing.  For all that the counterfeits promise, what they actually do is steal our capacity for giving and receiving genuine love.

What are some differences between sexual lust and love?  Between God's design and almost everything you can see portrayed through media?  Here are a few of the contrasts:
--Lust makes sex a performance, instead of an unaffected and innocent expression of love.
--Lust expresses impersonal passion instead of being a singular and personal expression of love that exists for only one other.
--Lust leads to the superficial fulfillment of a shallow desire, while sex is meant to express the profound: "All that I am I give to you alone for all my life."  Marriage is the only place this is possible.
--Lust expresses shallow passion in a mere consummation of chemicals versus the radical passion of true covenant love that God designed sex to consummate.
--Lust leaves you damaged in soul and body while love leaves you enriched in soul and body.

The contrast is great. Do you want your passion to be more like a drug-high, or like the brilliant climax of a painstakingly composed masterpiece of music?  The music is worth the sacrifice.

I said earlier that God never prohibits us any pleasure except to guard and give us a greater one.  It's true that sex in a loving covenant relationship has potential for much greater pleasure than the shallow counterfeits of lust.  But I would be amiss if I implied that sex in marriage is the greatest pleasure that God is trying to guard for us.  The fact is that, according to the Bible, oneness in marriage is only a parable, a reflection of something much greater.  It is a shadow of the Real Thing.  The Reality is the intimacy and ecstasy that we can have in knowing Christ Jesus, in union with Him by the Spirit.  He is the One whose delightfulness we were created to be truly overwhelmed by.  Our problem is that we can treat the wedding and marriage language of the Bible as metaphorical, when actually the best marriage ever on earth is a "metaphor" for the eternal, heavenly one.  By the Spirit, we can begin to experience this ultimate pleasure even now, through fellowship with Christ.  "In your presence is fullness of joy" (Psalm 16:11).  Even the foretaste that we can experience here on earth is better than the best temporal pleasure the world can give us.

The fact is that you cannot fully enjoy the representation that sex is meant to be if you don't know the ultimate reality that it is pointing to.  But you don't need to experience the reflection to know the Reality.  Jesus never experienced sex when He came, but He was the most whole and vibrant person to ever walk the earth, because He experienced the reality of intimate relationship with God more than anyone ever had.  

Don't settle for less than the pleasure that God created sex to point to.  Jesus sacrificed that pleasure on the cross so that He could give it to you--intimate and satisfying relationship with Him that only grows better with time (forever).  

And don't settle for the pathetic counterfeits that lust offers.  If you are married, aim to experience God's fullest design for sex.  If you are single, see through the pitiful counterfeits that are constantly hurled at you, and wait for the better pleasure that God intended in covenant relationship.  But married or single, persevere in pursuing the ultimate Pleasure, for which the best sex in the world is only a pale reflection.

"...and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory..."  1 Peter 1:8

"...I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but rubbish that I may gain Christ..." Philippians 3:8

The Unexpected Route

This is the imaginary soul-search of a weather-worn middle-aged man, sprung into thought by an unusual sight.

As he saw the elderly couple sitting side-by-side in the town square, Simon was thrown back into his familiar patterns of inner questioning.  Why were they so happy?  In love, so late in life? Had he missed something?  A mysterious key to lasting love beyond all the pathetic cliche's?  He knew their names, but he had never known them well enough or long enough to have a real conversation with them.  They were simply the tenderly loving, happy couple of the town, seemingly untouched by the harsh waves of time.  Always together, as long as he'd known.  Simon admitted that he could probably have learned a thing or two about conflict resolution throughout his history of disappointing relationships.  But his thoughts inevitably returned to the fact that he had always done decently until one woman after another had let him down.  He knew he wasn't perfect, but what could they expect?  He'd had good intentions, but he had his needs as well.  He was a man. Yes, he'd simply been unlucky...fell for the pretty face one too many times, only to be disappointed again when the first thrill wore off and she showed her true colors.  Did he have bad judgement?  But how could anyone know ahead of time? Lasting happiness in a relationship was a rare thing, and most people just simply weren't lucky enough to fall into it.

Still, seeing the elderly couple there, now looking into each others' eyes, younger than their years, freshly stirred his longing.  Did they know some secret, that had somehow simply eluded him? 

No, it couldn't be.  For any couple to end up this happy must mean that they were simply one of those very rare cases in which each was lucky enough to meet and marry the perfect person for them.  How else could it be?

The husband's name was Hosea, and his wife's name was Gomer.

There's a Difference in the Love

When as Christians we hear that God loves us, we are in danger of forming a conception of His love that is too much like natural love between humans.  Because God is "stuck" with being a infinite and perfect Being, the nature of His love is different than ours for each-other, or for Him.

We love God best when we delight in Him most.  God loves us best when He most delights our heart in Him.  We love God by saying, "You are everything to me."  God loves us by saying, "Let Me be everything for you."  God is the Giver.  We are the receivers.  God is the Sun.  We are the reflectors.  God is the Joy.  We are the enjoyers.  "For from Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things.  To Him be the glory forever" (Romans 11:36).

Our love to God is a response of desire and delight toward an infinitely desirable Being.  God's love to us is His doing everything needed to enable our desire and delight toward Him.  For Him to value us above all would be unloving--it would be denying the truth of His ultimate value, and disabling our deepest happiness.  It would be like a rich man lavishly praising a beggar for the appearance of his clothing, while withholding all that he has to meet his need. 

The cross of Jesus is not a Divine compliment of our value, but the immeasurable cost of giving us access to His.  The cross is not God's assessment of our value, but the necessary price for giving us the all-surpassing value of knowing Him (Philippians 3:8).

God does value us, affirm us, and delight in us.  But in His love toward us, these are only means to a higher happiness.  Our heart's deepest need is not to be praised--that is a means to the highest end.  Our greatest need is to be lost in the overwhelming satisfaction of a Joy and Wonder too great to conceive.  Thus the order: "Well done, good and faithful servant.  Enter into the joy of your master."  The ultimate gift of God's love is eternally increasing pleasure in the Person of infinite delight.  In other words, He is His own greatest gift.  Our praise of Him is meant to be a means of receiving, of enjoying Him.

What did Jesus get out of His sacrifice?  A people, a bride--us.  But why did He want us?

So that He could give Himself to us.  He gave Himself for us so that He could give Himself to us.

He gave Himself for you.  He gave Himself to you.  He desires you now.  He is giving Himself to you.  Will you receive?  There is no love like His.

A Believer's Core Identity

You cannot live how you were designed to without knowing who you are.

..."for in Christ you are all sons of God through faith..." Galatians 3:26

This was written in a culture in which the son 'got it all.'

I am a composer.  But more practically, I am a small business owner. But more importantly, I am a father.  But still more importantly I am a husband.  But most fundamentally, I am a son of God.

This identity makes me heir to the most valuable, most desirable, most beautiful, and satisfying inheritance in existence.  "In Your presence is fullness of joy."  It is GOD Himself.

How am I a son of God?  When Jesus left heaven and lived among us, He laid aside His privileges of Sonship.  When He said, "Not My will, but Yours be done," He was choosing the path of losing His rights and privileges of Sonship, rather than continuing to enjoy them without you.  The cry of Jesus, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?" expressed the tormenting cost through which God could adopt us as His children, grant us the right to call Him "Father,"and hear Him say to us, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." 

Jesus took what you deserve, so that you could receive what only He deserves.

Don't live one day without accepting your core identity, and enjoying your Inheritance.  "The Lord is my portion...I have a beautiful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6  "...I am...your exceeding great reward."  Genesis 15:1

The Non-existent Category

The modern idea of morality is that if an activity doesn’t hurt another and it is shared by mutual consent then it’s okay.  But there is no such thing. All immorality is a form of violence.  It is killing another person’s capacity for giving and receiving genuine love.  

But with God there is resurrection.

Early Spring

Love Your Wife

Recently I was thinking about what it means to “love your wife as Christ loved the church.”  This is the key to a good marriage, right?  But think about this:

If you love your wife with single-hearted devotion and consistent sacrificial service, then can you be sure--

That you’ll ensure the results you want when you want them? 

That you’ll guarantee the relationship of your dreams? 

If you treat her like a queen, will she treat you like a king?  Maybe, but not necessarily. Ask Hosea the prophet. (See the book of Hosea.) If you’re still not convinced, then ask Jesus.  He is the one and only perfect bridegroom, with a flawless record and ongoing perfect performance.  He has sought and is continually seeking the highest joy of His bride, but He is still often belittled, ignored, or refused.  Have you ever slighted or ignored the Lover of your soul?  If you have responded this way to perfect love, then you should never feel entitled to a correct response to your love.  We need to be wary of basing our love on the desired response to it.

Sometimes I’m afraid we subconsciously mix our American pragmatism in with the call of the gospel-pattern.  Even with teaching on the desired benefits of living according to the pattern Christ sets for husbands in marriage, we are in danger of subtly clinging to the natural desire of our heart to stay in control.  (The same holds true on Bible-teaching about parenting.)  The danger exists in any teaching on relationships that implies, “As long as you do A, you will ensure B.”  God will always satisfy the soul that seeks Him but He is the only one with whom right relationship has a sure result--and the necessity of right relationship with Him is losing control, by releasing it to Him.  In human relationships, there is no formula for obtaining the outcome we want when we want it—no matter how pure our desire, or healthy our means.  The path of love is not a guaranteed success formula.

The point of this post is not to discourage husbands or put down wives.  Nor is it a not-so-subtle complaint against my own wonderful wife!*  In fact, husbands likely have greater cumulative blame for poor marriages than wives do.  My point is that, for us to “love our wives like Christ loved the church,” we need to understand what that means.  One thing it does not mean is, “act in the way that will ensure the results you want when you want them.”  Jesus, the perfect Discipler, had deficient disciples.  Jesus, the perfect Lover, has an unreliable bride.  Removing the expectation of guaranteed results on our timetable necessitates having a motive for love that will last without it.  If the motive is not guaranteed results, then what is it?

The only way to love your spouse consistently and enduringly is by it being the overflow of Christ’s own sacrificial and satisfying love for you.  Your love must be the pursuit of her joy and transformation through that same satisfaction.  The consistency of your love will not depend on her responsiveness, but on His constancy.

Yes, this is the way that desirable effects will most likely take place, that your wife will be happy and become all that God made her to be.  It is the path for discovering the best possible marriage.  Christ’s bride will be radiant.  But remember the journey of Hosea, and remember that of Jesus.  To truly love another “as Christ loved” you means depending ultimately on His beauty, on His love for you. It means relishing the promise of the outcome that He has ensured through His sacrifice.  It means leaning on Him in your pursuit of her good.  And like Hosea, it means discovering the staggering mercy and sufficiency of the ultimate Bridegroom.  This beauty makes it all worth it.

“I will heal their apostasy; I will love them freely, for My anger has turned away from them… O Ephraim, what more have I to do with idols?  It is I who answer and look after you.  I am like a luxuriant cypress; from Me comes your fruit.” Hosea 14:4,8

*[This post is officially approved by my wife. :)]

Deeper

New love is fun, but it cannot compare with well-aged love, carefully forged through time and trials.

The longer a relationship lasts, the deeper its potential for greatness.

Story and Song

 "I had always felt life first as a story: and if there is a story there is a story-teller." -G.K. Chesterton

But if God is the Author, then why such a story--full of sorrow and suffering, disappointment and pain?  Those familiar with the Bible know that the characters in the story have rebelled against the Author, and unleashed an unrelenting torrent of sorrow through their sin.  But the Author has not given up His place. Moreover, the unusual thing about this story is that the Author is also the main Character.   And this is where things really get strange.  The climax of HisStory is when He humbly steps onto the stage, becoming a man, and enters the unfamiliar confines of time and space.  He struggled, suffered and grieved like every other character in the story, yet without sin.  But then, in the end, He did far more--He drank a cup of infinite pain.  On the cross, Christ was torn from the Father, rejected, forsaken, and cursed.  To the only begotten Son, this was infinite pain--the cost of redemption.  But this was part of the very plot that He co-authored. 

Author N.D. Wilson has a good insight--why does any author include difficulties and obstacles in a story?  So that the hero can overcome them.  So why would the Author of the Story create a world in which He would suffer infinite pain?

So that we could know Him as the ultimate Hero.  So that you could know Him as your ultimate Hero.

You cannot perceive life accurately unless you are hearing this Story, the Song of God--the song of the Gospel, the cosmic love song.

Your life is part of an epic story in which your hardships and the way you respond to them play a critical role.  Will you cling to the Hero and reflect His glory, or get lost in your own little world?

To have a good grip on reality we need a healthy dose of fiction.  We need good stories to remind us that we are in one.  If we trust the Author and play our part, we can enjoy it--the true story, the best one, in which the Author is the main character and ultimate Hero, who will one day right all wrongs, redeem all sorrows, and make all things new.

My love and I

Pleasing God?

Originally I wrote this illustration for a specific friend after a conversation about what the proper motivation for pleasing God is if He already is pleased with us in Christ.  What does it mean to please someone who already delights in you? Since then it has seemed the illustration could be helpful to a wider audience as well.

“Look at me fly, Daddy!” says my three-year-old daughter Jane, as she flits here and there around the room, inspired by Peter Pan.  Why is she seeking my attention?  What is the heart behind, “Look at me, Daddy!”?  I feel assured that her frame of mind is not, “now at last I can garner my Father’s approval.”  It is only with the certainty of my approval that she has the confidence to request my attention.  The urgent plea for me to observe her is only her attempt to trigger a fresh expression of my delight.  So it is meant to be with our desire to please our Father.  To earn or deserve His favor?  Of course not.  To freshly affect the heart of Him who has adopted us at infinite cost and set His eternal affection on us?  Definitely.  We have the power to please or pain our Father.  We cannot remove His cross-rooted favor in us as His children.  But through obedience we can freely receive and know fresh and ever-deepening levels of His delight.  Even if we grieve Him through unbelief, we cannot lose His favor as His beloved children.  But when we meet His loving gaze through believing, we bring fresh delight to His heart.  Obedience that flows from faith is our, “Look at me, Daddy!”  “Therefore we have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him” (2 Cor. 5:9).

Paradoxical Pleasure

“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

Matthew 10:39

“But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.  More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and do count them but rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ…” Philippians 3:7-8

From the moment of conversion to Christ until the final day, followers of Jesus live a life that is typified by paradox: the weak are strong, the poor are rich, those most in debt to God have the most to give away.  Conversion is the moment where you see you’ve been wrong all your life, and you couldn’t be more happy about it.  From that point on we experience our greatest joy through embracing our weakness and need as the continual context for experiencing Christ’s fullness.  Looking away from our self we discover our highest fulfillment in Him.

From the time I first began to recognize God as the Exceeding Joy (Psalm 43) I have discovered ever more deeply the paradoxical nature of pursuing our highest happiness.  It is something we can never earn or deserve.  It is a gift.  We cannot achieve it but it is so great we must let go of everything to fully take hold of it.  It is free to us because it cost someone else infinitely.  Jesus paid the price and Jesus is the happiness.

God’s love is His relentless pursuit of our highest happiness by whatever means necessary.  Our highest happiness is knowing Him—He is His own greatest gift. (John 17:3) The necessary means has already cost Him everything.  And now, “He who did not spare His own Son, but freely gave Him up for us all, will He not with Him freely give us all things?” (Romans 8:32) Yes, everything we need for our deepest enjoyment of Him, the all-surpassing Joy.  Jesus is worth more than anything.  He is before all things and above all things.  When you see that Christ is worth more than anything, but that He gave up everything so that you could have Him, and that He could have you…then your heart is freed to let go of inferior things to take hold of Him—to esteem Him and relationship with Him above all else.  “…May it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of my Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world was crucified to me, and I to the world.” (Galatians 6:14) A fresh view of this reality through the Spirit is the daily battle of the Christian life.

God’s love evokes a striving to receive all that is freely given in Christ.  The heart of the Christian life is not sacrificial service, but unmerited receiving. With this foundation, selfless service inevitably flows, but even it becomes a means of receiving (i.e. “My food is to do the will of the Father, and accomplish His work.” John 4:34).  True Life is a soul astir with the wonder of God’s love in Christ.  A life compelled by grace.  A life constrained by the wonder of enjoying Christ and making Him known.  A heart that has tasted ultimate satisfaction and is hungry for so much more.  It is a life of paradoxical pleasure. Compared to that, all else is, to paraphrase the great apostle, a hill of beans.

“Fight the good fight of faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called…”
(1 Timothy 6:12)

Expressing your love helps deepen it.  Sharing the joy of what you’ve found increases your own, and that is why this blog exists.