Two Mistakes, One Answer

When we hear hard sayings of Jesus, we might easily conclude that the dominant characteristics of a disciple's life are sacrifice and self-denial.  After all, His words are strong.  Hate your life?  Take up your cross? Deny yourself?

But this summary would not be consistent with the fact that a life of unconditional surrender to Jesus is the happiest possible one in existence.

When we hear the lavish promises of Jesus, we might easily conclude that the means of experiencing them are the ones that naturally spring to our mind.  With such words, how could He mean less than for our dreams of happiness to come true?  That girl, that house, that job... His promises are extreme: Abundant life.  Fullness of joy. One hundred times as much as we leave lose or leave for Him. 

But the path to our highest happiness in this life and eternity is not the one that naturally comes to mind.  A road without sacrifice or suffering is a far cry from the one that Jesus charted for us.

Our natural vision toward happiness may need to give way to something else--something better--His vision.  It is the very path of self-denial, daily cross-bearing, and losing our life that is the road of greatest reward.  The sacrifice of absolute surrender to Christ's call is actually your consent to His invitation to your greatest joy.  Because you get Him.  Submission to His will is the context for experiencing Christ's presence to the fullest, of soul-satisfying intimacy with Him, of walking with Him in the adventure of whatever part He has called you to play in His cosmic story, along with fellow followers.  Clinging to your life is loss.  Losing your life is gain.  Self-denial in obedience to Jesus is an exchange for incomparable joy.

The answer to the paradox of sacrifice and extravagant promise is a Person.  Jesus' promise is that we will come to find Him one hundred times more satisfying than anything we must leave or lose for Him (Mark 10:29-30).  But I think He may be being rather modest.

"More than that I count all things to be loss compared to the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish, so that I may gain Christ..." Philippians 3:8

Story in Poem

It's not too often that I feel inspired to write a substantial poem, but one day in December 2012, I did.  This poem is very personal for me, because it parallels my life experience in very significant ways.  But more broadly, the female character in this poem reflects to a large extent the story of every person who has come to discover the ultimate hope in life.  I hope you can identify with it.

To Have You Back Again

He came upon the storm-scarred girl
Wrapped up in rags, stooped sad and still,
Callous to the storm around
Sick, she stayed upon the ground
And did not even seem to care
To catch his sympathetic stare

"What ails you, dear,
Why sitting here?
Come shelter from this nearby sea
For I would see you healed, and free."

"I'm sorry sir
Your quest is vain
For I have nothing left but shame
And sorrow, sickness and regret
A few tears left
An endless debt

No path to joy is left for me
I've given up that hopeless plea
Walked the road I thought went there
But failed, spent, now I'm stuck here."

"The web you're in is strong and deep
But sin and shame cannot me keep
From asking you to walk again
To join me in my journey home
To come and run with me once more...
For all you’ve lost I would restore."

"I think I'm past that sir, you see,
My heart is maimed,
I'm drowned in pain
Words cannot heal my guilty stain.

I chose the path where I now lie
I journeyed here and now will die
I can't suppose the curse will fly
That I invited; why do you try?"

 

The young man's face
then seemed to cloud,
A pain he could not speak aloud
Crossed over his brow and into his eyes...
But would not deter him from his prize.

"The cost will be high
But I will pay,
your groans to end,
Your pain to stay…
I will walk the only way
That leads your heart
To endless Day.

I will walk
the blackest mile
For so I prize
Your loving smile

I will swallow up the curse
By letting it drown me.

I will take on
All you have
To give you
All that's mine."

The girl's heart found no pow'r to decline
The stranger's strong sweet offer then
"Come run with me," the young man said,
For I would have you back again."

She gave him all she had long known
He took it on himself to own--
Her sickness, sorrow, death and curse,
To gain something he wanted worse
Than all it cost to win:

To see her laugh and smile again
Because she now had
                                               Him.

Dealing with Disappointment, Weeping toward Joy

Our heart is often subconsciously influenced by our experience.  Sometimes the effect of an event on our perspective or emotions is obvious.  Other times, there are slow, gradual impacts made on our soul that are only detectable long after the fact.

I have recently realized some of the liabilities involved in experiencing one disappointment after another over time.  The disappointments are inevitable.  Life knocks us about: Relational disappointments; financial setbacks; unfulfilled desires for good; spiritual disappointments; shattered hopes; goals that fail or fall short. 

Many times disappointment is related to our own self-centeredness or misplaced hopes.  This doesn't make it easy, but there is the comfort of knowing that we can re-focus our hope on God again, and that by placing our expectation on Him rather than substitutes, we can avoid much of this pain.

But there is another category of disappointment is particularly painful.  It is the kind we experience specifically as a result of our love for God and for other people.  See if you can relate to any of these scenarios:

--you invest time and resources in a worthwhile project and don’t see positive results

--you work hard toward a job or position that would free you for greater positive impact, and don’t get the break you were looking for

--you pour time and love into someone only to have them go down a destructive path

--you pray fervently for God’s work in someone’s life without seeing results

--you give your friendship and vulnerability to someone only to be misunderstood or worse yet, betrayed

--you give careful and well thought-out counsel to someone, only to have it be ignored

--you do everything you can to bring reconciliation in a relationship, only to have it end in estrangement

--you present life-changing truth to someone, but they just don’t seem to get it

--you have high hopes for a new ministry initiative, but the results just don’t live up to your desires

--you pour yourself out for the good of others, and yet the fruit seems so insignificant

The category includes all the disappointment we experience as a result of caring about God’s honor, and caring about the welfare of others. 

Some of the effects of disappointment are natural and predictable.  It pains us, sobers us, and makes us weary.  But if we are not careful, our experiences of disappointment will do more.  They will erode our wonder, our courage to hope, our willingness to take the risks of love.  After repeated experiences along these lines, we are in great danger of being handicapped in our ability to hope and love.

We all cope, but in what way?  Do any of these ways seem familiar?

Withdrawal—“I’m tired of putting my self out there just to be let down.”

Resignation—“Oh well, who really cares.  What will happen will happen.”

Cynicism—“This may seem like a good sign, but it’s probably superficial.  I doubt it will pan out.”

Withholding of affection—“It hurts too much to care deeply.”

Complacency—“It’s not worth getting involved.”

Callousness—“People just need to get their act together.”

Carelessness: "I tried to do things the right way before and didn't get the result I wanted, so why be so careful this time? 

All of these reflect a heart that is disheartened, battle-weary, emotionally numb.

God knows our danger, and He has made provision for it.

Psalm 126 speaks powerfully to this whole arena, and particularly the last two verses of the Psalm:          

Those who sow in tears

                        shall reap with shouts of joy!

            He who goes out weeping,

                        bearing the seed for sowing,

            shall come home with shouts of joy,

                        bringing his sheaves with him.

(Psalm 126:5-6 ESV)

Here are some related truths that God has used to sustain my heart through difficult disappointments.

God’s Overriding Purpose

In all that unfolds, God is the primary actor.  Beyond our comprehension, God sovereignly brings good through pain that would not have come otherwise.

(see Genesis 50:20; Acts 2:23, 2 Cor. 4:17)

If you don't understand that God is big enough to use even the greatest difficulties and even tragedies for a good that will outweigh them, then you don't understand the God of the Bible well enough. (Romans 8:37)

We laugh at stories with an easily predictable plot and ending, but we are terribly inconsistent—in our own lives we often feel insistent on knowing the specific purpose of a plot turn before the ending of the story! (“I cannot move on until I understand the specific reason for this happening!”)  God is the greatest Author of all.

God’s Identification
Whatever your disappointment on the path of obedience, Jesus has been through it before. Consider the relational disappointments of Jesus—His parents misunderstood Him. Even His brothers at first disbelieved in Him and mistreated Him. His disciples were agonizingly slow to learn, and in His greatest moment of need, they slept.  When danger arrived, they fled Him.  One of His closest companions betrayed Him.

We need to intentionally and specifically see how Jesus can relate to our disappointments

God’s Precious Pattern and Promise
Again,

“Those who sow in tears will reap with joyful shouting.  He who goes to and fro, weeping, carrying his bag of seed, will indeed come again with a shout of joy, carrying his sheaves with him.”  Psalm 126:5-6 (NASB)

So here it is: Yes there will be pain, and sometimes inexpressible... But the risk of that pain is worth the joy of the fruit that would not come if you did not care, and pray, and pursue, and lay down your life in pursuing good desires for God's glory.

Love is always a dangerous business. But genuine love is never about avoiding pain, but accepting the pain that is fully worth the prize.

Make no mistake: caring about the glory of God and the deepest good of people is setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. Just like Jesus, you will experience people misunderstanding you, letting you down, and falling short of your loving desires for them.

And yet, we must care, or else watch our hearts shrivel.

Risking your heart, and time, and resources in laying down your life will be costly, but the reward is worth the cost.

“…for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a reward of those who seek Him.”  Hebrews 11:6

“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not grow weary.”

Galatians 6:9

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.”  1 Corinthians 15:58

Those who have experienced the fruit of sacrificial love in marriage or parenting know this on some level.  Yes, it is more complicated.  Yes, it is more difficult....and Oh, so worth it.

The pain we experience on the path of love is worth the reward.

How can you know this for sure?

Because Jesus has already experienced the pain of sowing, and the joy of reaping on the greatest scale of all.

Jesus lived His entire life as One “weeping, carrying His bag of seed.”  He experienced one disappointment after another. 

But the greatest one of all was the abandonment of the Person He had lived to please His entire life, when He hung on the cross.  The cross expresses the greatest disappointment, the greatest pain, the greatest suffering that has ever existed. 

Don’t think that Jesus was the only one who “sowed in tears.”  The Father had to stand by without intervening as He heard the screams of His only begotten Son…so that you could receive the right to call on Him as your Father.

Remember, love is always a dangerous business. But genuine love is not about avoiding pain, but accepting the pain that is fully worth the prize. 

As we read in Hebrews 12, it was for the joy set before Him that Jesus endured the cross.  In the greatest sense of all, He who sowed in tears has reaped with joyful shouting.

Jesus endured the cross, so that you could enjoy the Christ.

The joy set before Him was your fullness of joy in Him, to the Father’s glory. 

Every believer who He has rescued is part of His harvest.  Every glad thanks and praise to God as a result of His suffering is part of His harvest.  And one day the harvest celebration will erupt in fullness when Jesus comes in glory, claims His bride, rewards every work, and redeems every pain and disappointment that we have endured on the path of obedience.

In the meantime, we need to exercise the discipline of delight.

You don’t need to wait to start experiencing the joy of His harvest.  The door to intimate relationship with Christ has been flung wide open.  His comfort and companionship are available in full measure even while we are still in the chapter of “going to and fro weeping, carrying our bag of seed.”

His love and His fellowship can give us a joy that rises above our deepest disappointments.

The discipline of delight means regularly

--delighting in His finished work for you, and in His resurrection

--delighting in His fellowship as your Redeemer and your Treasure

--delighting in the hope of the completely certain future you have with Him in which all will be made well

The discipline of delighting in Christ is not just an add-on coping mechanism; it is the only means by which we will have the endurance to press on so that good fruit is born through our lives which would never otherwise be.

 “Abide in Me, and I in you.  Just as a branch cannot bear fruit, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine and you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in Him, he bears much fruit.  For apart from Me you can do nothing.”  (John 15:4-5)

If you don’t live in the fellowship and love of Jesus, you will not endure in doing good, and fruit that will only come about through persevering will never come to be.  Enjoying His love is necessary for enduring in love.

If you told God, "I want to understand how much you love me!" I am afraid He would have to say, "My dear child, you have asked for the impossible. For while as long as eternity exists, there will always be more to comprehend."

It is in the presence of this delight that we can live through disappointment without losing heart.  Because Jesus has already sowed in tears and begun in the joy of His reaping, you can join Him. 

How?

Engage!  Join God in His passions! Don’t hold your heart back! Throw yourself in! Dare to hope for and pursue great things for the glory of God and good of others.

Pray fervently and perseveringly for God’s work in other’s hearts and for His highest glory.

Remember that others have deep disappointments too; weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice.

Use disappointment to get a view into your heart—is it from love or self-centeredness?

Engage in the discipline of delight!

Set your hope of God’s promise of complete future redemption.

“Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end...”

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.
(Revelation 22:12-13,17 ESV)

Time To Write about Sex

I'm sure that in some spheres, a number of the things I'll write here could be offensive.  But for the three of you who occasionally read this blog, I'm not too concerned about that.

When I see a public representation of sexuality that is at odds with truth, it makes me very upset.  The often unspoken messages fly at us from many directions and are unavoidable. What bothers me so much is not simply that they make what is wrong look good, but that in doing so, they make what is good and wonderful seem bad by association.  I am upset by the attack on pure and superior pleasure through an inundation of pitiful substitutes.  Let me elaborate.

God designed sex to be a means of saying to another person, "All that I am and all that I have I give completely and only to you for the rest of my life."  He never intended for the full disclosure and sharing of the body to be separated from the full disclosure and sharing of every other aspect of life.  This design is beautiful, profound, and satisfying.  Ripping sex from its intended context is debasing and wasting a gift that has glorious meaning and potential.  According to the Bible, dissecting sex from exclusive relationship and personal love is not just wrong, but stupid: it is settling for a pitiful substitute for the beauty and pleasure God had in mind when He created it.

When I was trying to clarify the attitude behind lust to a group of students, I used this illustration:
"Once upon a time a wealthy prince lived in a vast kingdom.  He would spend the day riding his steed through his domain, enjoying the sights and sounds.  One day, as he was on one of these excursions, he observed a peasant maid in the field, sowing seed.  He noted her gorgeous long blonde hair, and was intrigued.  Upon arriving back home at the palace that evening, he told his servant of the experience.  "Her hair was a golden in the sun.  I love it.  I want it.  Get it for me."  So the next day the servant obeyed and did what was needed, cutting off and bringing back the long blonde hair for the prince.  As the prince rode his steed the next day he noticed another maiden, sewing a tunic as she sat beside a well.  He noticed her smooth, soft, white hands, and was impressed.  Upon returning to his palace he relayed what he had seen to his servant and expressed his desire.  "Those beautiful hands...I love them.  Get them for me..." 

And so the story could go on, in a quick and hideous downward spiral.  The point?  Not unlike the perverted fascination of the prince, lust is the dissecting of another's body from her person.  In all its powerful passion, in isolating body from soul, and sexual desire from whole relationship, lust utterly demeans both sex and the personhood of another human being.

There is no question that pleasure can be had through using sex as we please without reference to God's will as revealed in the Bible. What most people don't understand is that God never prohibits us from any pleasure but for the sake of guarding and giving us a greater one.  God hates our missing out on His design through our misguided pursuits after pitiful inferior pleasures.

Sexual pleasure outside of a covenant relationship is like someone looking at a postcard of the Grand Canyon and supposing that he has experienced the real thing.

Or, sexual pleasure outside of a covenant relationship is like eating through a box of twinkies, differing from each other only in the color of their wrappers.  Sex according to God's design is like sitting down to a sumptuous, multi-course, gourmet feast.

Before I say a word more I must quickly clarify that I in no way intend to imply that being married guarantees a good love life.  There are plenty of marriages with miserable sex-lives.  I am simply stating that the potential within any marriage for truly great sex is exponentially greater than the very best experiences outside of these oft-resented confines.  (I cannot go deeply into how to bridge the gap between sexual potential and reality in marriage, but I would recommend such excellent books as When Two Become One by Christopher & Rachel McCluskey and The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy & Kathy Keller.)

If I ever wrote a wildly successful book or did something that somehow got me in front of a wide-audience interviewer, I would love to casually say theses words:

"You know, you've never really experienced sex until you've been married to the same person five or ten years, know each other better than ever, have been through some trials and difficulty together, still love each other more than anyone, and in that context give yourselves to one another passionately and completely."

Admittedly there is some hyperbole there, but I hope you follow the point.  Immorality is common, natural, predictable, easy and shallow.  Loving sex in marriage is uncommon, rare, undeserved; hard to come by, supernatural, wondrous.

TV, movies, and books alike frequently portray "free sex" as desirable and consequence-free.  Besides the many glaring misrepresentations I would like to also stress that it is actually pitiable.  It's pitiable that so many people have their capacities for experiencing and giving true intimate pleasure so decimated by the counterfeits.  It is pitiable that people mistake false and superficial intimacy for the real thing.  For all that the counterfeits promise, what they actually do is steal our capacity for giving and receiving genuine love.

What are some differences between sexual lust and love?  Between God's design and almost everything you can see portrayed through media?  Here are a few of the contrasts:
--Lust makes sex a performance, instead of an unaffected and innocent expression of love.
--Lust expresses impersonal passion instead of being a singular and personal expression of love that exists for only one other.
--Lust leads to the superficial fulfillment of a shallow desire, while sex is meant to express the profound: "All that I am I give to you alone for all my life."  Marriage is the only place this is possible.
--Lust expresses shallow passion in a mere consummation of chemicals versus the radical passion of true covenant love that God designed sex to consummate.
--Lust leaves you damaged in soul and body while love leaves you enriched in soul and body.

The contrast is great. Do you want your passion to be more like a drug-high, or like the brilliant climax of a painstakingly composed masterpiece of music?  The music is worth the sacrifice.

I said earlier that God never prohibits us any pleasure except to guard and give us a greater one.  It's true that sex in a loving covenant relationship has potential for much greater pleasure than the shallow counterfeits of lust.  But I would be amiss if I implied that sex in marriage is the greatest pleasure that God is trying to guard for us.  The fact is that, according to the Bible, oneness in marriage is only a parable, a reflection of something much greater.  It is a shadow of the Real Thing.  The Reality is the intimacy and ecstasy that we can have in knowing Christ Jesus, in union with Him by the Spirit.  He is the One whose delightfulness we were created to be truly overwhelmed by.  Our problem is that we can treat the wedding and marriage language of the Bible as metaphorical, when actually the best marriage ever on earth is a "metaphor" for the eternal, heavenly one.  By the Spirit, we can begin to experience this ultimate pleasure even now, through fellowship with Christ.  "In your presence is fullness of joy" (Psalm 16:11).  Even the foretaste that we can experience here on earth is better than the best temporal pleasure the world can give us.

The fact is that you cannot fully enjoy the representation that sex is meant to be if you don't know the ultimate reality that it is pointing to.  But you don't need to experience the reflection to know the Reality.  Jesus never experienced sex when He came, but He was the most whole and vibrant person to ever walk the earth, because He experienced the reality of intimate relationship with God more than anyone ever had.  

Don't settle for less than the pleasure that God created sex to point to.  Jesus sacrificed that pleasure on the cross so that He could give it to you--intimate and satisfying relationship with Him that only grows better with time (forever).  

And don't settle for the pathetic counterfeits that lust offers.  If you are married, aim to experience God's fullest design for sex.  If you are single, see through the pitiful counterfeits that are constantly hurled at you, and wait for the better pleasure that God intended in covenant relationship.  But married or single, persevere in pursuing the ultimate Pleasure, for which the best sex in the world is only a pale reflection.

"...and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory..."  1 Peter 1:8

"...I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but rubbish that I may gain Christ..." Philippians 3:8

The Unexpected Route

This is the imaginary soul-search of a weather-worn middle-aged man, sprung into thought by an unusual sight.

As he saw the elderly couple sitting side-by-side in the town square, Simon was thrown back into his familiar patterns of inner questioning.  Why were they so happy?  In love, so late in life? Had he missed something?  A mysterious key to lasting love beyond all the pathetic cliche's?  He knew their names, but he had never known them well enough or long enough to have a real conversation with them.  They were simply the tenderly loving, happy couple of the town, seemingly untouched by the harsh waves of time.  Always together, as long as he'd known.  Simon admitted that he could probably have learned a thing or two about conflict resolution throughout his history of disappointing relationships.  But his thoughts inevitably returned to the fact that he had always done decently until one woman after another had let him down.  He knew he wasn't perfect, but what could they expect?  He'd had good intentions, but he had his needs as well.  He was a man. Yes, he'd simply been unlucky...fell for the pretty face one too many times, only to be disappointed again when the first thrill wore off and she showed her true colors.  Did he have bad judgement?  But how could anyone know ahead of time? Lasting happiness in a relationship was a rare thing, and most people just simply weren't lucky enough to fall into it.

Still, seeing the elderly couple there, now looking into each others' eyes, younger than their years, freshly stirred his longing.  Did they know some secret, that had somehow simply eluded him? 

No, it couldn't be.  For any couple to end up this happy must mean that they were simply one of those very rare cases in which each was lucky enough to meet and marry the perfect person for them.  How else could it be?

The husband's name was Hosea, and his wife's name was Gomer.

There's a Difference in the Love

When as Christians we hear that God loves us, we are in danger of forming a conception of His love that is too much like natural love between humans.  Because God is "stuck" with being a infinite and perfect Being, the nature of His love is different than ours for each-other, or for Him.

We love God best when we delight in Him most.  God loves us best when He most delights our heart in Him.  We love God by saying, "You are everything to me."  God loves us by saying, "Let Me be everything for you."  God is the Giver.  We are the receivers.  God is the Sun.  We are the reflectors.  God is the Joy.  We are the enjoyers.  "For from Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things.  To Him be the glory forever" (Romans 11:36).

Our love to God is a response of desire and delight toward an infinitely desirable Being.  God's love to us is His doing everything needed to enable our desire and delight toward Him.  For Him to value us above all would be unloving--it would be denying the truth of His ultimate value, and disabling our deepest happiness.  It would be like a rich man lavishly praising a beggar for the appearance of his clothing, while withholding all that he has to meet his need. 

The cross of Jesus is not a Divine compliment of our value, but the immeasurable cost of giving us access to His.  The cross is not God's assessment of our value, but the necessary price for giving us the all-surpassing value of knowing Him (Philippians 3:8).

God does value us, affirm us, and delight in us.  But in His love toward us, these are only means to a higher happiness.  Our heart's deepest need is not to be praised--that is a means to the highest end.  Our greatest need is to be lost in the overwhelming satisfaction of a Joy and Wonder too great to conceive.  Thus the order: "Well done, good and faithful servant.  Enter into the joy of your master."  The ultimate gift of God's love is eternally increasing pleasure in the Person of infinite delight.  In other words, He is His own greatest gift.  Our praise of Him is meant to be a means of receiving, of enjoying Him.

What did Jesus get out of His sacrifice?  A people, a bride--us.  But why did He want us?

So that He could give Himself to us.  He gave Himself for us so that He could give Himself to us.

He gave Himself for you.  He gave Himself to you.  He desires you now.  He is giving Himself to you.  Will you receive?  There is no love like His.

A Believer's Core Identity

You cannot live how you were designed to without knowing who you are.

..."for in Christ you are all sons of God through faith..." Galatians 3:26

This was written in a culture in which the son 'got it all.'

I am a composer.  But more practically, I am a small business owner. But more importantly, I am a father.  But still more importantly I am a husband.  But most fundamentally, I am a son of God.

This identity makes me heir to the most valuable, most desirable, most beautiful, and satisfying inheritance in existence.  "In Your presence is fullness of joy."  It is GOD Himself.

How am I a son of God?  When Jesus left heaven and lived among us, He laid aside His privileges of Sonship.  When He said, "Not My will, but Yours be done," He was choosing the path of losing His rights and privileges of Sonship, rather than continuing to enjoy them without you.  The cry of Jesus, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?" expressed the tormenting cost through which God could adopt us as His children, grant us the right to call Him "Father,"and hear Him say to us, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you." 

Jesus took what you deserve, so that you could receive what only He deserves.

Don't live one day without accepting your core identity, and enjoying your Inheritance.  "The Lord is my portion...I have a beautiful inheritance." Psalm 16:5-6  "...I am...your exceeding great reward."  Genesis 15:1