Dealing with Disappointment, Weeping toward Joy

Our heart is often subconsciously influenced by our experience.  Sometimes the effect of an event on our perspective or emotions is obvious.  Other times, there are slow, gradual impacts made on our soul that are only detectable long after the fact.

I have recently realized some of the liabilities involved in experiencing one disappointment after another over time.  The disappointments are inevitable.  Life knocks us about: Relational disappointments; financial setbacks; unfulfilled desires for good; spiritual disappointments; shattered hopes; goals that fail or fall short. 

Many times disappointment is related to our own self-centeredness or misplaced hopes.  This doesn't make it easy, but there is the comfort of knowing that we can re-focus our hope on God again, and that by placing our expectation on Him rather than substitutes, we can avoid much of this pain.

But there is another category of disappointment is particularly painful.  It is the kind we experience specifically as a result of our love for God and for other people.  See if you can relate to any of these scenarios:

--you invest time and resources in a worthwhile project and don’t see positive results

--you work hard toward a job or position that would free you for greater positive impact, and don’t get the break you were looking for

--you pour time and love into someone only to have them go down a destructive path

--you pray fervently for God’s work in someone’s life without seeing results

--you give your friendship and vulnerability to someone only to be misunderstood or worse yet, betrayed

--you give careful and well thought-out counsel to someone, only to have it be ignored

--you do everything you can to bring reconciliation in a relationship, only to have it end in estrangement

--you present life-changing truth to someone, but they just don’t seem to get it

--you have high hopes for a new ministry initiative, but the results just don’t live up to your desires

--you pour yourself out for the good of others, and yet the fruit seems so insignificant

The category includes all the disappointment we experience as a result of caring about God’s honor, and caring about the welfare of others. 

Some of the effects of disappointment are natural and predictable.  It pains us, sobers us, and makes us weary.  But if we are not careful, our experiences of disappointment will do more.  They will erode our wonder, our courage to hope, our willingness to take the risks of love.  After repeated experiences along these lines, we are in great danger of being handicapped in our ability to hope and love.

We all cope, but in what way?  Do any of these ways seem familiar?

Withdrawal—“I’m tired of putting my self out there just to be let down.”

Resignation—“Oh well, who really cares.  What will happen will happen.”

Cynicism—“This may seem like a good sign, but it’s probably superficial.  I doubt it will pan out.”

Withholding of affection—“It hurts too much to care deeply.”

Complacency—“It’s not worth getting involved.”

Callousness—“People just need to get their act together.”

Carelessness: "I tried to do things the right way before and didn't get the result I wanted, so why be so careful this time? 

All of these reflect a heart that is disheartened, battle-weary, emotionally numb.

God knows our danger, and He has made provision for it.

Psalm 126 speaks powerfully to this whole arena, and particularly the last two verses of the Psalm:          

Those who sow in tears

                        shall reap with shouts of joy!

            He who goes out weeping,

                        bearing the seed for sowing,

            shall come home with shouts of joy,

                        bringing his sheaves with him.

(Psalm 126:5-6 ESV)

Here are some related truths that God has used to sustain my heart through difficult disappointments.

God’s Overriding Purpose

In all that unfolds, God is the primary actor.  Beyond our comprehension, God sovereignly brings good through pain that would not have come otherwise.

(see Genesis 50:20; Acts 2:23, 2 Cor. 4:17)

If you don't understand that God is big enough to use even the greatest difficulties and even tragedies for a good that will outweigh them, then you don't understand the God of the Bible well enough. (Romans 8:37)

We laugh at stories with an easily predictable plot and ending, but we are terribly inconsistent—in our own lives we often feel insistent on knowing the specific purpose of a plot turn before the ending of the story! (“I cannot move on until I understand the specific reason for this happening!”)  God is the greatest Author of all.

God’s Identification
Whatever your disappointment on the path of obedience, Jesus has been through it before. Consider the relational disappointments of Jesus—His parents misunderstood Him. Even His brothers at first disbelieved in Him and mistreated Him. His disciples were agonizingly slow to learn, and in His greatest moment of need, they slept.  When danger arrived, they fled Him.  One of His closest companions betrayed Him.

We need to intentionally and specifically see how Jesus can relate to our disappointments

God’s Precious Pattern and Promise
Again,

“Those who sow in tears will reap with joyful shouting.  He who goes to and fro, weeping, carrying his bag of seed, will indeed come again with a shout of joy, carrying his sheaves with him.”  Psalm 126:5-6 (NASB)

So here it is: Yes there will be pain, and sometimes inexpressible... But the risk of that pain is worth the joy of the fruit that would not come if you did not care, and pray, and pursue, and lay down your life in pursuing good desires for God's glory.

Love is always a dangerous business. But genuine love is never about avoiding pain, but accepting the pain that is fully worth the prize.

Make no mistake: caring about the glory of God and the deepest good of people is setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. Just like Jesus, you will experience people misunderstanding you, letting you down, and falling short of your loving desires for them.

And yet, we must care, or else watch our hearts shrivel.

Risking your heart, and time, and resources in laying down your life will be costly, but the reward is worth the cost.

“…for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a reward of those who seek Him.”  Hebrews 11:6

“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not grow weary.”

Galatians 6:9

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.”  1 Corinthians 15:58

Those who have experienced the fruit of sacrificial love in marriage or parenting know this on some level.  Yes, it is more complicated.  Yes, it is more difficult....and Oh, so worth it.

The pain we experience on the path of love is worth the reward.

How can you know this for sure?

Because Jesus has already experienced the pain of sowing, and the joy of reaping on the greatest scale of all.

Jesus lived His entire life as One “weeping, carrying His bag of seed.”  He experienced one disappointment after another. 

But the greatest one of all was the abandonment of the Person He had lived to please His entire life, when He hung on the cross.  The cross expresses the greatest disappointment, the greatest pain, the greatest suffering that has ever existed. 

Don’t think that Jesus was the only one who “sowed in tears.”  The Father had to stand by without intervening as He heard the screams of His only begotten Son…so that you could receive the right to call on Him as your Father.

Remember, love is always a dangerous business. But genuine love is not about avoiding pain, but accepting the pain that is fully worth the prize. 

As we read in Hebrews 12, it was for the joy set before Him that Jesus endured the cross.  In the greatest sense of all, He who sowed in tears has reaped with joyful shouting.

Jesus endured the cross, so that you could enjoy the Christ.

The joy set before Him was your fullness of joy in Him, to the Father’s glory. 

Every believer who He has rescued is part of His harvest.  Every glad thanks and praise to God as a result of His suffering is part of His harvest.  And one day the harvest celebration will erupt in fullness when Jesus comes in glory, claims His bride, rewards every work, and redeems every pain and disappointment that we have endured on the path of obedience.

In the meantime, we need to exercise the discipline of delight.

You don’t need to wait to start experiencing the joy of His harvest.  The door to intimate relationship with Christ has been flung wide open.  His comfort and companionship are available in full measure even while we are still in the chapter of “going to and fro weeping, carrying our bag of seed.”

His love and His fellowship can give us a joy that rises above our deepest disappointments.

The discipline of delight means regularly

--delighting in His finished work for you, and in His resurrection

--delighting in His fellowship as your Redeemer and your Treasure

--delighting in the hope of the completely certain future you have with Him in which all will be made well

The discipline of delighting in Christ is not just an add-on coping mechanism; it is the only means by which we will have the endurance to press on so that good fruit is born through our lives which would never otherwise be.

 “Abide in Me, and I in you.  Just as a branch cannot bear fruit, unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you, unless you abide in Me.  I am the vine and you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in Him, he bears much fruit.  For apart from Me you can do nothing.”  (John 15:4-5)

If you don’t live in the fellowship and love of Jesus, you will not endure in doing good, and fruit that will only come about through persevering will never come to be.  Enjoying His love is necessary for enduring in love.

If you told God, "I want to understand how much you love me!" I am afraid He would have to say, "My dear child, you have asked for the impossible. For while as long as eternity exists, there will always be more to comprehend."

It is in the presence of this delight that we can live through disappointment without losing heart.  Because Jesus has already sowed in tears and begun in the joy of His reaping, you can join Him. 

How?

Engage!  Join God in His passions! Don’t hold your heart back! Throw yourself in! Dare to hope for and pursue great things for the glory of God and good of others.

Pray fervently and perseveringly for God’s work in other’s hearts and for His highest glory.

Remember that others have deep disappointments too; weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice.

Use disappointment to get a view into your heart—is it from love or self-centeredness?

Engage in the discipline of delight!

Set your hope of God’s promise of complete future redemption.

“Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end...”

The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.
(Revelation 22:12-13,17 ESV)